Let’s get real, today sucked, it was a struggle. I began the day feeling excited and empowered to take advantage of my only off day — but it didn’t last long. My body and brain were quickly hijacked with nausea and anxious energy. I’ve been dealing with nausea and an anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember, it’s nothing new and certainly not enough to change the course of my day.
I did my morning yoga flow, attempted some breakfast (& failed miserably), slapped on some anti-nausea patches, hopped in my car and started on the highway. Only from there, the world began to turn in on itself. Nausea became relentless vertigo; anxious energy became full-blown panic attacks; air hunger, vomiting and tachycardia joined the party. I pulled my car into the breakdown lane, rested my head on the steering wheel, sobbing and feeling completely helpless.
Now, if you know me personally, you know I have an incredible tolerance for pain and discomfort, and a stubborn complex about admitting I’m in pain or asking for help. But I surely believed in that moment that I was not going to make in off that highway. Most of the symptoms I deal with are tolerable when they happen individually, but on days like today when it’s a smorgasbord of crazy, it becomes utterly terrifying.
I pulled it together enough to get myself off the highway and back home. Boy, was I glad to get out of that car! Once home, — mind you it’s only 8:30 on this
lovely Sunday morning — I cancelled my plans and began to succumb to my overwhelming morning, but quickly anticipated where that would take me and tried to overcome it. I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t run, I couldn’t meditate, I couldn’t be alone, but also didn’t want to be around people; I was just so uncomfortable.
After spending a bit of time with essential oils, some tunes and a cool shower, I did the unthinkable, got back in my car and headed to a local yoga studio. Granted it’s a space I feel comfortable and spend plenty of time, it took an unbelievable amount of willpower to get myself there. Still being harassed by anxiety and pain, it was the best choice I made all day. Suddenly a wave a relief took over as I mastered a new pose, mudras and breath work.
I didn’t spend my day with friends, I didn’t hike the mountains, or get anything productive done today like I had planned, but at the end of the day I am calm and have a smile on face.